the answer to the flag question you got wrong

burkina faso not mali lol

We were absolutely robbed on the music round. That wasn't even fair.

The quiz master had a vendetta. I'm convinced of it.

Exactly. He saw 'The Alternative Facts' on the sheet and decided we were a threat. Pre-emptive strike.

we won by eight points lol

your team came fourth

Exactly my point. You're naturally talented at quizzes. I inherited your genes or something and clearly got a faulty batch.

we just met mate

Right, I need to confess something about tonight.

What? No! God, no. It's about the flag question.

ohhh you googled it

you absolute quiz boy

I did NOT— well, I mean, yes, but only afterwards! I was curious. Everyone was arguing about it.

quiz boy

its actually perfect for you

I'm not a quiz boy. I'm a normal person who happens to have general knowledge. x

sure you are quiz boy sure

So, fancy doing the quiz again on Wednesday? Purely for the rematch, you understand. Can't let you have the last laugh.

i might already be going

no big deal tho

You might already be going? To the quiz? On Wednesday?

yeah with some people from work

Right, so I've just asked you out and you were already going with other people. That's brilliant. That's really great actually.

you can still come tho 😭

I suppose that would work. Cheers for the enthusiastic invite, by the way. I can feel how much you wanted to tell me about this.

gary has been staring at the same spot on the wall for like 20 mins

i think hes just broken

anyway not really looking for anything serious right now you know

I mean same honestly. The quiz was fun but I'm not trying to get into anything heavy at the moment.

yeah exactly

Exactly. No pressure. Just taking it as it comes.

good because gary just knocked over the plant pot

not a full skye but definitely significant risk of movement with the carpet

Right, I need to settle something once and for all.

Nothing! Well. Pineapple on pizza. Does it belong?

absolutely not

its fruit

You like barbecue sauce on pizza. BBQ sauce is sweet.

So is pineapple when it caramelises on the pizza.

That's literally just gatekeeping pizza. Let people enjoy things.

You know what. I'm ordering a Hawaiian right now.

im ordering a proper pizza

Back home safe and sound. Those chips were excellent. x

so good

That's the mark of a proper chip run. None of that vinegar nonsense.

remember when we got those ones from that place by your old flat

The ones that had been sitting under the lamp for three days? Dreadful. Tonight was definitely a solid experience though. Really nice evening. x

loved walking along the water with you

Loved it too. You looked really happy. x

Right, I'm going to sort the kitchen out before it becomes a significant risk of movement situation. Gary's destroyed a cushion again. x

maybe its actually time to rename him to kevin like i said

Well. That was grim. Reckon we're about to find out if our relationship can survive a window and two tin cans for a date.

already washed the tin cans

It did actually. Well played. Though I'm now genuinely terrified about what comes next. They're calling it the Big One.

not a full skye though

I mean. We got stranded in a campervan in the rain. This might actually be worse.

oh my god no nothing is worse than that

[Image omitted] Exhibit A.

is that a fossil

is it load bearing

It's literally inedible. The middle's completely collapsed.

significant risk of movement

I was quite pleased with it before I cut into it. It smelled nice.

I'm going to try again tomorrow.

Well, that's it then. Boris just announced it properly. We're locked down.

I know. I had a feeling but hearing him say it out loud is different.

Twelve weeks minimum by the look of it. Maybe longer.

like a full skye but indoor

Right. We're doing daily calls. Obviously.

8pm

8pm sharp. Non-negotiable.

we can do this

together but apart

Together but apart. I like that. Right, see you at eight then. x

oh no

the banana bread

4cm of uncooked sadness

with the ruler yes

You used a ruler for scale on your failed banana bread. I don't know whether to be impressed or concerned.

Right, that is genuinely tragic. Third time's the charm?

photo

That's a fern.

Right, I've been thinking about this. Why do you actually call me Fern? I need the proper explanation.

Freya, come on.

This is absurd. Just tell me why.

fern fern fern fern fern fern fern fern fern

Fine. Absolutely fine. I'm Fern then. That's what we're doing. x

ok im bored

rating every biscuit in our cupboard

digestive 7/10 solid but boring

hobnob 8/10 love a hobnob

dark chocolate digestive 9/10 this is the one

jaffa cake NOT A BISCUIT but 10/10 going in anyway

weetabix 1/10 not a biscuit and tastes like cardboard

Debatable.

giving it a 9 anyway

Been thinking about something and I'm not sure how to bring it up without sounding mad.

Nothing's wrong exactly. It's just. We've been talking every night for five weeks now.

Christ, no. The opposite, if anything. But do you not think it's a bit weird that neither of us has said anything actually romantic?

so you want me to be more romantic

i thought this was quite romantic

Anything. You never compliment me or say nice things. Freya you haven't even asked a single question about me.

i like you a normal amount

It's risen. It's actually risen. I'm taking photographic evidence.

fourth time lucky

that is genuinely impressive

Redemption arc. I'm going to caption the set that.

I'm going to eat it myself and silently appreciate my own achievement. x

fair play honestly

so when all this lockdown madness is over do you reckon we should actually try properly being together instead of just the weekend dates thing like move in or something

Sorry, was just thinking about that actually. Yes. Definitely yes. I mean, if you want to. I'd really like that. x

yeah

yeah i do

I was genuinely just thinking about what to say. Because I wanted to say it properly. x

so we should tell people

We should. Though your mum's going to want to do a whole thing, isn't she. x

We're not renaming him. He's been Gary for three years. He's staying Gary. x

I've just had the most brilliant idea. What if we actually went outside and sat in a field together like some sort of medieval peasants? x

The rules changed today, didn't they? We can sit two metres apart as long as we're outside. I'm not mad, I genuinely think we could do this. x

Well, how about this afternoon? Finsbury Park? We could bring those folding chairs from the garage. x

im getting ready right now

You could wear a bin bag and you'd still look better than Gary. Speaking of which, we're going to have to finally rename him one of these days. He can't be Gary forever. x

absolutely not

gary stays

Anyway, I've got some news. Not great news. Fern is actually dying. x

of course he is

I know. I know it is. I've been watering him. I genuinely have. x

did you though

.

rip fern we barely knew ye

Right, so I've been thinking. We've been doing these lockdown calls every single night since March, yeah? Maybe it's time we actually looked at some flats together instead of just talking about it on FaceTime.

quiz boy are you asking me to move in or asking me to flat hunt for fun

that was the least romantic thing ive ever heard

I've got a ring in a drawer that says otherwise but go on.

you cant just casually mention the ring like you're talking about biscuits

Is that a yes to flat hunting or a no?

of course its a yes

show me the ring when youre not being a muppet about it

were here

its so bad

That's not a shower over the toilet. That's definitely a shower over the toilet. Christ. x

the damp smell makes me want to cry

Significant risk of movement? x

Right, that's the last box from my place loaded. The van should be here in twenty minutes. Are you on your way? x

Mate just texted. He can't make it. His boiler's gone and he's got an engineer coming at ten. I'm really sorry. x

no worries tho we can manage it

my back is now a significant risk of movement

and we havent even finished with the sofa

im not doing brilliantly im dying

this sofa is the worst thing that has ever happened to me

worse than the skye trip

its almost a full skye

We did it. Sofa's inside. Tea? x

tea and a lie down

permanently

Good morning. Which mug is mine?

all of them are yours

you have eleven mugs

I definitely do not have eleven mugs.

check

There are in fact eleven mugs. I have genuinely accumulated eleven mugs. I don't know how this happened. x

told you

thats not even a full skye

voice message (4:23)

You did listen to that one, didn't you.

yes

it was nice

.

what does that mean

You know exactly what it means.

saving them for something important x

Because it's been reorganised. I arranged it alphabetically this afternoon.

yeah i did

it looked better by colour

By colour? Freya, I spent forty minutes on that.

it was chaotic 😭

the shelf had significant risk of movement

That is not what that phrase means and you know it. The shelf is structurally fine.

ok so i genuinely cannot find anywhere to put my stuff in that cupboard

like you have three shelves of mugs

THREE

the point is you just assumed i would fit around your stuff

like you didn't even ask if i wanted to move in here you just said we were doing it

I don't really know what to say right now.

Right. Well. I thought you were happy here. I thought we were building something.

i am happy i just

i feel like it all happened to me not with me

like i'm just fitting into your life around your mugs and your shelf space

I need some air.

is gary okay

I'm sorry. I should have asked properly and I didn't. I do want you here. x

i want to be here too i just panicked when it stopped being a choice and started being a thing that already happened can we talk tonight

im sorry for being weird

You're not a nightmare. We're just adjusting to something massive. It's normal to have a wobble. Significant risk of movement, if you will.

not a full skye though

Nowhere near a full Skye. More like... a slightly damp afternoon in Renfrew.

okay that made me laugh

Good. I'll be home around six. We can order something and actually talk properly. Yeah?

I think we each get one. Your books on your shelf, my stuff on mine. Simple.

No more alphabetising. We're adults. Our shelf doesn't need to be alphabetised.

It's the opposite of chaos. It's freedom.

i want four and theyre mine

Fine. Label them.

freyas mug on all of them

thats for the important full stop by the way

Right, we're collecting him in about two hours. I've put the puppy pads down everywhere and I'm not entirely convinced the living room is ready but I suppose you can't be truly ready for a dog. x

He's here. Currently very confused about the hallway. x

PHOTO

im crying hes so small

oh my god those little ears

He just ate it.

thats fine its fine hes a puppy he chews things

He's had an accident on the new rug. The Skye-level new rug. x

rugs are replaceable puppies arent

i love him so much already its insane

this is a cave

its a CAVE owen

no window just a fan spinning at me like im in a wind tunnel

significant risk of movement

owen im serious this kitchen is smaller than our bathroom

Right then, debrief time. I reckon we need to actually score these properly rather than just saying 'yeah it's alright'.

So I'm thinking we use Gary as our unit of measurement. One Gary minimum for anything we'd actually view, ten Garys for the dream place.

overall id say 6 garys

right the kitchen is like 2 garys maximum

One Gary for a kitchen is harsh. That's Skye trip territory. Two Gary kitchen, I can live with it.

8 garys

Right so we're doing 6 overall then. Not bad for a Saturday viewing. Fancy a cuppa? x

Just arrived at the flat. Mr Iqbal is... very much still here. Not sure if that's normal.

No. He's following us around. Giving a guided tour of the boiler situation.

The boiler has been through three major overhauls, apparently. Mr Iqbal is explaining the second one in real time. I genuinely cannot leave the kitchen because he's standing in the doorway. I think this might actually be a full Skye. x

So Mr Iqbal starts with 'the boiler situation' like it's the first thing he's ever said in his entire life.

Yes! Forty minutes on a boiler. A boiler! Just goes on and on, completely off the rails. I've recorded a bit of it to send you.

What could I say? I just nodded and took notes. The man has significant risk of movement if you know what I mean.

the boiler is not a wobble its a full skye

It's not quite a full Skye. More of a... medium Skye?

thats skye territory

At least one of us is competent. x

Well, that was something. I'm genuinely unsure what I just saw.

it was a fire escape

with two pots

two actual pots owen

significant risk of movement on that one then

Catastrophic risk, frankly. That was definitely not a full Skye but it was close. x

literally just thinking about it

the light is actually insane

and the vet is literally round the corner which is huge for gary

I think so. It's not a full Skye, is it? Just one dodgy fire escape. We can live with that. Let's put the offer in. x

OWEN

OWEN

they accepted

215 they said yes

oh my god oh my god

No way. Freya no way.

way

im crying

ok so we need solicitors

we need to book surveys

hopefully no significant risk of movement on wilbraham

Right, the survey report's just come through. Let me read you the good bits.

the bit about the kitchen wall is bad isnt it

'Significant risk of movement.' Yeah. Not great.

significant risk of movement in the KITCHEN WALL

thats not a wobble in a relationship thats not even a shelf

No, this is definitely a full Skye.

this is beyond skye this is like

this is us stranded in the campervan and its raining and gary eats the map

At least we'd have Gary to comfort us. Speaking of which, we need to talk about whether now's the time to finally rename him.

we are not renaming gary when our kitchen wall has significant risk of movement

priorities

No, this is definitely a full Skye.

this is beyond skye this is like

this is us stranded in the campervan and its raining and gary eats the map

Right, just got off the phone with Karen. Not great news I'm afraid.

The vendor's refused to fund the remedial works. Flatly refused.

"Significant risk of movement." Those exact words.

YES significant risk of movement

We can either drop the price by the repair estimate, or walk away. Those are literally the only two options Karen said she'd put to them.

£8,500. Maybe more when the actual work gets quoted.

8500

thats not nothing

so we have til tomorrow evening to decide if we want to live somewhere with significant risk of movement or pull the plug on the whole thing

Right. They've pulled out. Officially over.

The survey came back. Significant risk of movement they're saying. Structural concerns.

MOVEMENT

its a victorian terrace not a bloody glacier

im gutted owen

significant risk of movement though

Exactly. Significant risk. Not a guarantee.

im saying that forever now

everytime something goes wrong its significant risk of movement

See you in about twenty minutes? We can sit on the sofa with the wobbler and just... exist for a bit.

yes 💔

also gary isnt called gary anymore hes called gary so we have something to rename him when were sad

So I've been thinking. What if we just accept that Wilbraham Road is fundamentally sinking and lean into it? Rename the place 'The Sinking Ship (Affectionately)' and call it a day.

literally genius

I mean the significant risk of movement has really become part of its charm, hasn't it?

honestly i never liked the carpets anyway

Right? Finally someone says it. They look like a 1997 Travelodge had a breakdown.

😂😂 a breakdown

I'll draw up the nameplate this evening. We can get it installed before Gary finds out and does something dramatic. x

So I was thinking, now that we're into November, we should probably have a proper chat about the flat situation. What are your thoughts on pressing on through winter or taking a breather? x

i cant do another viewing in this weather

every single one smells like wet carpet and sadness

That's fair. The autumn ones were miserable enough. Every place we've looked at seems to have significant risk of movement anyway.

i vote we just stop

no more viewings till march i mean it

Right, I'll believe that when I see it. You said the same thing in September and we somehow ended up in Clapham the following weekend.

fine but this time im serious we pause till spring proper break from the madness

Okay. Spring it is. We'll revisit in March when the world doesn't look quite so grey. Fair enough? x

The 7:20. It's gone. We've missed it.

You set it for 6:30 on your phone, which you left on silent.

There's a 10:15. If we get downstairs in five minutes and get straight on the road.

This is a new one for the collection. Not a full Skye, but we're getting close.

they overbooked the sailing

they've moved us to 3pm

hes on top of it but honestly i think theyre just gonna say tough luck

photo

ok theyre pretty stale but its not a full skye yet but getting there honestly

We've got her. Bessie is absolutely covered in dents. I'm photographing every single one for the insurance. x

we hired a van in portree

That's not even what it means. We're not selling Bessie. x

Bessie's made a grinding noise and essentially given up on life about half a mile past Kirkton.

Not quite a full Skye, I think. But getting there. Engine's completely dead.

Mate's bringing recovery. Should be about forty minutes. We're fine, honestly.

The recovery truck's broken down. They're saying they can't get to us until the morning.

I wish I was. We're stuck at Broadford. There's a petrol station but it's shut.

We've got a Tesco bag with some crisps in it. Different flavours. That's dinner sorted I suppose.

Salt and vinegar, prawn cocktail, and cheese and onion. We're eating like kings.

this is officially a full skye

the mechanic says three hours minimum

theres sheep

so many sheep

it took my hat

it landed on a sheep

floated down onto its head like some kind of gift from god

wearing my favourite hat

Freya, that's a goat.

its a SHEEP to me and it stole my hat

that hat cost £34

Right, I've rung them. We can return her today instead of tomorrow. They've said they'll give us 60% refund given the circumstances.

I think the bloke felt a bit sorry for us. I didn't mention the thing with the toilet, just said we'd had 'significant risk of movement' issues with the suspension.

😭😭😭 you actually said that

Well it's true isn't it. He seemed to understand immediately. I reckon he gets a lot of calls about Bessie.

it happened

no

In the car park. Can't really talk. Five of us, they said restructuring.

come home

On my way. I'm fine, truly. Bit surreal but I'm managing.

im here

brought chips

You absolute legend. I was just thinking about ordering something. x

gary keeps trying to steal from my plate

he is not built for crime

He's not built for anything except being perfect. x

Right, I'm actually going to do this. Dusting off the CV. x

It's just making me sound like a man who has never done a job in his life. Every bullet point reads like I've been sat in a cupboard for five years. x

just put Gary as a reference

put gary down as a reference

hed write you a lovely letter

very professional 🐕

You're actually mad. x

Right, about to start this interview. Wish me luck. x

good luck fern youre gonna smash it

That was absolutely dire. They asked about the methodology and I completely blanked. And then Gary just decided to eat the corner of my CV right in the middle of me trying to explain the data analysis.

no

he didnt

He absolutely did. Full bite. Right through the Achievements section. They definitely heard the crunching sound.

that is not a full skye but its close

.

saving mine for something important okay 🙄

They want to see me again.

Second interview.

halden reeves??

Three weeks. They're quite formal about it all, very structured. I'm trying not to get ahead of myself but this has to be a good sign doesn't it? x

its def a good sign

youre gonna smash it

Right. Well. Significant risk of movement, I reckon.

not a full skye though x

oh my god

i just got out of the worst call of my entire life

remember how i renamed the spreadsheet to FINAL FINAL 3 as a joke

i sent THAT ONE to the client

with all my old formulas and the tabs called things like hmmmm and WHY WONT THIS WORK

and they opened it on the call

and spent twenty minutes asking me why a column was titled DELETE THIS

significant risk of movement doesnt even cover this

this is a full skye in spreadsheet form

Oh no. Oh Freya, no. I'm so sorry. That's absolutely catastrophic. x

Just finished. It was... a lot. x

Coming home now. Need to properly debrief. x

Right. I'm home. You won't believe what they actually asked me. x

They literally asked about 'significant risk of movement' in my career history. Those exact words. x

they did not

They genuinely did. Panel of three, all reading from the same notes. I nearly lost it in the room. x

this is the funniest thing that has ever happened

Our flat survey has become interview language. We have achieved peak chaos. x

photo

oh my god

OWEN

six grand more is that real

we can finally fix the bathroom the tall one we can fix the bathroom 🎉🎉🎉

Not to be dramatic but this is absolutely not a full Skye. x

Right, I'm going to ring the mortgage broker back. Might as well get it over with.

what if they say no

you dont know that

They said yes. It's all agreed. We can proceed.

WHAT

Completely serious. The tall one has done it. We're getting the house.

oh my god oh my god i was so scared

ive been absolutely terrified since we applied

i thought we were going to have significant risk of movement and it was all going to fall apart

You never said anything!

but we did it we actually did it we're getting our house with gary

We are. We're getting our house. x

why are you being so weird about your coat pocket

owen youre literally doing it again right now

oh my god did you buy more gary food without telling me

you have significant risk of movement about you right now

it means youre wobbling. like the flat. like the shelf. youre a wobbling man in a coat

.

did you just send me a full stop

Freya, I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you— GARY NO—

???

Sorry he sat on the ring box. He's sat on it. He's just sitting here looking at ducks. x

WHAT

Right, moving him now. Will you marry me? x

yes

.

!!!!

!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!

!!!!!

I'm going to take that as a yes. Gary's still covered in mud and also possibly has a ring around his bottom. x

im crying

!!!!!!!!!!

we need to change garys name this is a sign

i need to tell you something

its me

i found a lump in november

and i had a biopsy on the 8th

i haven't told you because i didn't want to ruin christmas

Freya. Come here. Put your phone down.

Why didn't you tell me? I could have been there for the biopsy. I should have been there.

i was scared

I'm sorry. I should have pushed you on this sooner. I knew something was wrong at least two weeks ago and I just let it sit there.

I did though. I could tell you were stressed and I just asked once and then dropped it when you said you were fine. That's not good enough.

i was scared to say it out loud

Well we can't do this anymore. No more waiting for the other person to work it out. If something's wrong we tell each other, yeah?

CLEAR

What? Freya that's brilliant! Why is there a full stop?

i told you i was saving them

You absolute madwoman. That's the best news. I'm so happy I could burst.

proper crying

get that fancy wine

Right, see you in twenty minutes. We can finally stop having significant risk of movement.

the tall one i love you

no more wobbles

I love you too. Wait until I get home and we'll call your mum. x

Right, I think we need to have a proper chat about this fortnight.

The shelf is the least of it. I'm talking about the whole two weeks. Everything. The car situation, your mum, my job thing, the boiler.

Yes. Exactly. I think we need to properly acknowledge that this has been a full Skye. Possibly worse than a full Skye.

Freya. You cried about the car insurance. I had to call you at work about the job thing. Your mother called me. The boiler sounds like a dying animal.

yeah fine its been a skye

Right, I've made a spreadsheet with all the venues we shortlisted. I've included cost per head, capacity, accessibility info, and whether they do their own catering or if we need external. Have a look and let me know what you think. x

ok

ok

ok

ok

Are you actually reading it or are you just staring at your phone?

Yes to which one?

ok the barn one looks nice

Finally! The barn is probably our best bet actually. Which barn though, there are three.

the one

That doesn't narrow it down, the tall one. x

Morning. We should probably leave in about ten minutes if we're going to make the eleven o'clock viewing. Have you fed Gary? x

im ready whenever

Right. That gutter though. The woman said it was 'nothing, honestly' but there's definitely some water damage on the corner ceiling. Significant risk of movement if you ask me. x

its not a full skye though

we didnt get rained on

.

dont u dare

so ive been thinking about the marquee again

Freya, we've discussed this. The forecast is absolutely dreadful.

It's not just rain. It's 40mph winds. That's a significant risk of movement.

stop using that phrase to win arguments

I'm not using it to win. I'm using it because it applies.

Because I've seen the actual weather data, not the marketing spiel.

you always do this

catastrophise everything

I'm not catastrophising. I'm being realistic. This isn't a full Skye but it's heading that way.

oh so now im being unrealistic

it is though

Right, I've been thinking about this all night. The barn actually makes more sense financially and we'd have so much more flexibility with the layout. I know you had your heart set on the marquee but hear me out. x

no

and dad picked a song for the marquee

You're unbelievable. The barn has that significant risk of movement with the floorboards actually, so we could—

fine you win

i love you though

That's not how this works. You're supposed to argue your case. I don't want you resenting this later. x

i genuinely do love you like i mean it

Gary's being rather strange with the stairs tonight.

He just won't go up. I've tried calling him, treats, the works. He's just sitting at the bottom looking at me like I've betrayed him.

That's what I thought. Scooped him up and carried him, the absolute dead weight of him. He's just lying on the landing now looking tragic.

I'm serious, this could be significant risk of movement territory.

not a full skye though

I'll keep an eye on him overnight. If he's still off in the morning we'll get an appointment. Might finally be the excuse to rebrand him as Bramble.

absolutely not

Just got out of the vet's. Poor old Gary's got mild arthritis in his hips, apparently. They've given us these tablets called Rimadyl.

He's fine, honestly. Mild is what they said. Just going to help with any discomfort. Cost three hundred and forty quid though.

Yeah. Vet said the stairs probably didn't help. You know, the incident.

that was NOT my fault

I WAS holding him. You were the one who opened the living room door at speed.

hes ok now

thats whats important

significant risk of movement averted

so the garden centre had these amazing hostas and i know we said we wouldnt expand the border this year but honestly theyre so pretty and we could just squeeze them in and they dont need much light which is perfect for that shady spot by the fence

i didnt buy them yet because i thought id run it by you first even though we both know im just going back tomorrow to get them anyway

.

That's what you get for three consecutive paragraphs without so much as a comma. I'm staging an intervention. Punctuation is not just for 'something important,' it's for basic communication. x

youre just jealous because i said it out loud and it sounded way better than how youd have written it with all your full stops everywhere

and the hostas ARE coming home tomorrow so youll have to deal with it

Right then, we're starting the spare room this morning. Got the tarp down, furniture moved out, primer at the ready. Excited doesn't cover it really. x

The fumes are character building. This time will be different, I've got the window cracked already. x

We're on the second coat of primer now. The walls are looking quite smooth actually, no significant risk of movement on the surface at least. x

i dont need a voice note about primer

ooh yeah thats going to be nice

Lunch break. The primer's looking brilliant. Just starting on the actual green smoke now, this is where the magic happens. x

wow its quite dark

how much longer or should i order pizza

Finishing up now. Just the second coat to dry. Pizza sounds perfect. x

mums here

she brought three carrier bags of stuff

shes asking if gary can sleep in the living room

shes concerned about him being 'let loose' in the house

i said mum hes slept on the sofa during a FULL SKYE and he was fine

shes reorganising the bedside table

asked if the duvet was 'suitable'

shes actually lovely im just tired already

gary has significant risk of movement

Morning. Have you checked the weather? It's looking pretty grim for the drive.

were going to whitby not the north pole

its so wet

gary is traumatised

then woke up at whitby and remembered where he was and got very upset

Well, there's the funicular if you want to cheer him up. Panoramic views. x

took gary on the funicular

worst decision of my life

hes having a full breakdown

like maybe 40 percent skye

dont you dare laugh at me

Found this absolute gem going through old photos. Gary on his first day, complete with the laminated tag. Look at his ears.

I know. And look, you can still read the tag. 'Gary' in proper Courier font. Permanent as anything.

we could still change it tbh

kevin

It's been five years.

and his muzzle is completely silver now like he deserves a better name 😭

He's distinguished. Gary is distinguished. That photo proves it - even then, absolute patriarch energy.

He's staying Gary. x

Do you remember what our team name was at the quiz? Five years ago today.

it was the brainy bunch

That was a different night. Our team name was Quiz Boy Privileges.

I came up with it. You laughed so hard you spilled your drink.

So why can't you just look up the photos from that night?

either way the brainy bunch sounds right to me and im not changing my mind

anyway happy five years and nine months

You can't just declare victory and move on. That's not how this works. x

Just collecting him from the vets now. The dental cleaning went well, they said his teeth look better than they have in years.

He's back. Still quite drowsy from the anaesthetic, just lying in his basket with that confused look on his face.

Already done. He's stumbled over here and seems to want to just collapse on the tiles. I'm letting him do his thing.

im on the floor with him

hes resting his head on my lap

He's chosen well. You're clearly the better option.

still here

hes finally properly asleep

completely numb but he needed me

He did. And you're the best at being needed. x

thats not a bad thing though is it

Right, I've got the renewal email from the vets about Gary's insurance. It's £430 this year. That's absolutely mad.

four hundred and thirty

Yes. Four hundred and thirty pounds. For one cat.

I know. I've looked at the terms. Apparently his breed has significant risk of movement with their joints or something. It's basically just the insurance company's way of saying he's old and might break himself.

😭 our baby

Yeah, we'll have to. Can't risk it if something actually does go wrong. I'll sort it tonight.

👍

i listened to that one

No you didn't.

What did I say then?

that you love me

Oh. Right. Well. Yes. x

i do listen sometimes you know

gary is refusing the big loop

Oh no. Is he alright?

weve only done about 10 mins and hes done

Poor lad. Do the short loop instead?

feels weird going backwards

He's earned a quiet afternoon. Not everyone can be a spring chicken like us.

he just looked at me so sadly when we turned round like hed let us down

He hasn't. He's showing some significant risk of movement just being out there. That's a win.

true enough.

Freya.

Did you just use a full stop

Unprompted

voice message (0:47)

Gary's completely passed out on my feet. I can't move. This is a significant risk of movement situation.

leave him there coward

I've been sat here for three hours.

just rename him kevin already and be done with it